If You Knew, You’d Run
I've been struggling to share here. What can I offer of value to you when my days look as they do? I don't know how to write without heart, but if I were to pour out my heart you'd turn and run away--if not from horror than from being weary of Downer-Debbie.
The truth is, finding hope in the everyday is total misery when life is a complete mess for such long periods of time. The hunt starts to feel too exhausting. (Only those who've walked the trenches might understand me here.) When I survey the current state of my life, there is absolutely no good reason to believe life will ever get better. NONE. And I'm not even being dramatic here. Every stride forward in the way of gratitude or finding the good and beautiful is met with a sucker punch to the gut sending me flying a mile backward. Standing back to my feet over and over again gets to feeling more impossible with each blow. No sense can be found. No evidence of God moving in even the smallest of ways is detected. No prayer or groan seems to be heard. The lamp for my feet seems snuffed out as the pages seem void of life. Everything is dark and hopeless and stretching into forever; the now-normal, suffocating squeeze strangles my heart.
And there Hope lay swaddled in a manger. The weary world rejoices. The brokenness. The darkness. The hopelessness. He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger, Behold your King! Before Him lowly bend! Arms open wide, hearts broken and bleeding. He came for such as me.
If you are finding yourself in a hopeless season of life, feel the hope of heaven nearer to you today. God is trustworthy even when life screams a different story. Hold on, friend. You are not alone. If you are feeling disgustingly hopeful [just kidding -- pure envy here!] in this season of life, look around you. Chances are someone near you is hurting. Be a gracious messenger of hope to them!
[italicised words above are lines from the Christmas carol O, Holy Night]
