Old Lady, New Year!
You might be old when…
you don’t really feel the need to gather with people to ring in the new year. Yikes. We just did not feel it this year. Poor Deklen, growing up with old parents. We’ve got to do better at making the fun, but I just didn’t have it this year. And honestly, it’s all a little over rated, don’t you think? Or maybe that’s just this year’s old lady talking. Who knows. We shall see.
Ringing in the new year this year means finding routine again…but with better habits. It means narrowing down where I spend my mental energy…then being all in there. It means beginning a new Bible Study to help strengthen my posture of worship. It means decluttering and deep cleaning because I can feel the tingle of that one wild hair. It means staying faithful to the daily tasks, the menial tasks, the monumental tasks because it’s a holy work He’s given each of us to do.
I’ve got this underlying feeling that this could be a tough year. I hate to think like that, but I do. It most definitely could just be a fear thing. But I’ve learned to pay attention to those quiet gut feelings. I fully expected the tough year last year, what with our ten year anniversary of the year from hell. (it happened at ten last time!) But it didn’t happen. Praise God. You know when it’s been a minute since you’ve deeply and horrifically struggled and you are just waiting for the shoe to drop? Terrible way to live. Yeah, welcome to my sometimes headspace. Whether my fears (or gut talk) come true or we live in great joy and goodness, God does remain the same through it all. It’s the choosing to believe Him and remain with Him in it that seems to be the struggle.
So much of me wants to not be a wretch this year, wants to accomplish a dream or two, wants to bring more life to my home and ministry, wants to bring more beauty and hope to my little corner of the world. I want to live filled with the Spirit and not filled with my filth. I want to grow beautiful flowers and eradicate all the voles destroying my garden. I want to read more books, write more words, listen to more truth. I want to make things, create things, savor things. I want to stop being so sassy and use my lips to help my people light up more. I want to look at the stars more, feel the sun on my face more, and watch more sunrises and sunsets. I want this perimenopausal weight to disappear and my hips to stop hurting. I want to escape to the garden of my heart more. I want to keep liking the man whose face is a bit more wrinkled and whose back is a bit more fragile (😉love you, babe!). I want to help the boys keep becoming the young men they are in process of becoming. I want to listen to the girls tell me about their lives and adventures, struggles and joys on the phone. I want to keep hearing the voice cracks, the belly laughs, and the bantering. I want to get the squeezes and the sloppy kisses and see the life twinkle in their eyes. I want to kiss and be kissed by the husband of my youth. I want to keep hugging all the people.
When I think about the little beautiful things in my life I would hate to do without, I am motivated to live intentionally and fully present and with tenacity so I don’t waste anything my God has given me. I want to show up and love. I want to let the purpose burning in my veins have its way because maybe then I am the vessel He created me to be - one bringing Him glory, one making Him known.
Whether we jump in full force to this new year or come in gently and slowly, may we all enter in with the hope of our God walking with us through whatever life will bring. May we be found to be faithfully abiding in Him through it all.
Cheers from the old lady taking it slow, but excited to live this life and show up with you,
